I remember being “that girl” in elementary school. You know, the late bloomer. The one who was always too skinny, to short, too flat-chested, too late to get her period…and the list goes on.  I remember how much it sucked and how I wore my training bra in hopes that my boobs would catch-up and would make the boys stop pulling my bra strap during gym. I admired my friends who had bigger boobs or more of a booty and wondering why I got stuck in my body. My body never seemed good enough to me.

Fast forward and I’m the mom of an almost 9 yr old girl who seems more like she’s going on 14. She is taking notice of her body in a big way and I find her, much of the time, standing in front of her full-length mirror giving herself the once over. At which point I say:

“You are beautiful – inside and out.”

I try to use words that provide her with confidence and make her feel healthy and strong and like she can conquer the world. But the reality is that I can say it all I want and all it takes is one classmate or friend from the playground to make one comment about her appearance and it all unravels at the seams.

I went to see a child psychologist speak at my daughter’s school today. The talk ended up being more of a discussion around the room and I listened to moms of girls one year older than mine talk about how all the girls are talking about calories and only want to eat salads in their lunches and are constantly talking about being fat, who’s fat and who’s not. THIRD AND FOURTH GRADE GIRLS.

It got me thinking about how this all happens. Can we blame the media? Sure. Watching pop stars and kids on TV certainly has an effect. Can we blame society? Sure. Focus on being thin and looking perfect is definitely part of it. Can we blame coaches, ballet and gymnastics teachers? Sure. Sports and dance focus heavily on physical appearance along with body strength. But when do we as moms and adults and rolemodels start to realize we might be part of the problem?

In my opinion, self-image starts with one simple thing: looking at yourself in the mirror and actually liking what you see. I work with men and women of all shapes, sizes, skin types, nationalities, you name it, I see it all. And, the first thing I hear – mostly from the women but the men are just as guilty – is about that thing they hate: I’m too short, I have a muffin top, I have no chest, my boobs are too big, I have back fat, my calves are too small, my skin is a mess, I hate my hair, my booty is too big, I have no ass, I’m shaped like a boy, my shoulders are too wide…Do any of these complaints sound familiar to you? My guess is you have said at least one of these at least once. I am guilty too.

I will tell you though, that I have come a long way in my personal journey in being happy with how I look. I have stopped looking in the mirror and assessing every little bump or bulge or wrinkle. It makes you crazy and obsessive and does not lead to anything positive. What if the next time you looked in the mirror, you looked over all those things that make you crazy and just accepted you for you? I know that my girl listens to everything I say – I mean everything. Those little ears are bionic. If I constantly talked about how I can’t eat certain things or how unhappy I am with how I look or how fat I feel or whatever negative connotation you can think of…I will bet you that she would begin to assess herself differently. She would begin to look over every inch for flaws, instead of just accepting her beauty all around. Confidence is instilled or squashed at a very early age. Your confidence in your self-image is something your kids admire and want to emulate. They want to be like you. Give them every reason to love their bodies – just the way they are – and their confidence will be contagious.